In this comedic monologue for a middle-aged female actress, a mother helps her daughter make an apple pie.
DIRECTIONS
INT: A KITCHEN.
Laura is watching her daughter make an apple pie for the first time.
LAURA
For heavens' sake, girl, do you even know how to read? I gave you the recipe, just do what it says! Apple pie is not that difficult and Ms. Smith keeps telling me how smart you are.
(Watches impatiently, tapping her foot. Almost immediately steps in.)
No, no, no. It says to slice the apples thin, not to turn them into tissue paper. You still need something to bite into otherwise it's going to be all juice and no substance. You've eaten this dessert, what, a hundred times? Pay attention already.
(Watches some more.)
Whoa, that's way too much nutmeg! It says a pinch sweetie, and that's really more of a generous dash. No don't look at me, look at the book. Here, no, no. Oh, for heaven's sake, move over and just let me do it.
(Does it herself.)
Okay, now you do the rest. You can do it. Except, okay, no, you don't pack the flour, honey. Flour doesn't pack, that's sugar. Honestly, haven't I taught you anything? No, I'm not doing it. You can do it. Try it again.
(Watches some more and finally nods.)
There you go! My goodness, this really shouldn't take that long. It's not like it's that hard or anything. Really, all you have to do is follow a simple recipe.
