Older male actors can use this comedic, 1-to-2-minute monologue for auditions.
DOCTOR
INT: DOCTOR'S OFFICE
Daniel berates a doctor while sitting on the examining table.
DANIEL
Look, I been tellin' my wife now for three weeks, I ain't sick. I been workin' with them there cars in the shop all day and you can't do that when you're sick 'cuz they'll send you home. This is just needin' to piss all the time and sometimes there's blood in it, that's all. So what? You gonna tell me I gotta stop drinkin' beer? Hell, if I could stop smokin' cold turkey after my brother Rodney died of them there cigarettes, I can stop drinkin' beer.
I tell you what this is really about. This is about Obama. He wants to get everyone runnin' to the doc every time they get a cold comin' on. Get 'em payin' out. Get 'em on a government list. Well, that's not how we do it here. We don't just throw good money after bad, like my pa always said. My pa once sliced his leg open on a combine, right to the bone, and you know what he done? Patched it up with some cobwebs and sealed 'er on up with some wet chaw. 'Course, he died 'bout a week later, but you cain't say he was weak about it.
I don't need nothin' for the pain. I'll stop drinkin' beer, Doc, and that'll be that. Sheesh. When I think about the world now, Lordy, I feel sorry for it.
